Let's Play-ers EVERYWHERE!

I spend almost all of my free time watching YouTube, and almost every time I will be watching a well-known YouTuber who is known for their gaming. And I love it, I think at would be just amazing to create my own channel and entertain people just by doing something I love; gaming. There is a massive demand for gaming channels on YouTube and it's become so popular now that the majority of the conversations I hear and participate in are about games that certain YouTubers have played or the YouTubers themselves.
One day I really do want to scrounge up the money to get decent shit so I can make my own YouTube channel and annoy the shit out of everyone with my squeaky 12-year-old-girl-sounding voice, but that causes major conflict in what I want to do for my career. For a few years now, I've had my heart set on becoming an educational psychologist, who is kind of like a teacher that specialises in how to help a child's disability and can create ways of helping that child learn and function well in society, and up until about June this year, that's all I wanted to be. Being the complete lazy-ass that I am, I tend to procrastinate a lot, and that time I'm not using goes into watching my favourite YouTubers such as JackSepticEye, Markiplier, CinnamonToastKen, The Game Theorists (and Film Theorists), VanossGaming, MiniLadd, Dathi De Nogla, Good Mythical Morning, etcetera, etcetera... and I have fallen in love with the idea of sharing my love of video games and stupid nonsense commentary through YouTube. It's just so awesome, and with all the influence YouTubers have these days, there is so much good that I could do with the influence I could get, like how Mark uses what he earns from doing his videos to charities, it's amazing and incredibly inspirational.

But here's my problem: I love the ideas of me having either of these as my career, and I can't decide.
I mean, yeah, I'm not just going to choose YouTube over getting a degree, I would still go off to Uni and get my degree in psychology no matter what, but I want to do YouTube as well. I could always begin making videos during Uni, like I know Jack did, but if those videos do well and it is possible to make YouTube my career, what do I do? I have a degree that I can use to help kids get through school, or I can spend my time making funny moments videos and maybe one day be good enough and earn enough to donate to a charity, which would definitely be great because I do really want to be able to donate something to help others, but I just don't have that kind of disposable income - I pretty much have no income at all seeing as I don't have a job (my parents give me money ^-^) - and I feel bad for not doing something.
I guess I'll figure it out as I go, that method's been working for me pretty well so far...

On a side note, I have almost finished this year! I have until the 6th when classes finish, then I just have to show up for all my exams, then an awards ceremony, then year 12 orientation... Okay, so it does still sound like a while, but once actual classes finish, I don't have to be at school all day, I just have to show up for an hour or so, then leave and enjoy the rest of my day. Year 12 orientation, however, is not going to be so much fun. It's four. Days. Long. Last year's orientation was only like, one day where we got holiday homework and found out our classes and teachers, why does this one take four damn days?! How much homework will we be getting, holy crap I can see it now... no one will ever see me again. I'm gonna need a 260 page notebook for all the homework I'll be doing. Sigh.
Only one more year of this...

~ Bee.

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So Much Work and How Schools Kill Our Self-Esteem

I only have a few more weeks left in school now, and so the teacher's have decided to pile on the SACs! Whoopiee!
For those who don't know a SAC is the abbreviated version of School Assessed Coursework, it's the standardised assignments we have to do in VCE to complete each class (that is if we do well enough in them). So far I have two SACs to do next week; my Literature SAC on Tuesday, and my Psychology SAC on Wednesday. Which means I'm going to be studying my ass off for those.

Another thing I have to do is write yet another speech, this time for English. And my original idea to do a bash on school rules isn't working out to plan, as there is pretty much diddly squat in the way of statistics of any kind for that topic. However, there are for body image and teenagers being exposed to such outrageous beauty/body standards, so I can still use my idea of school rules, but instead of using it as the entire speech, it will be an argument in something bigger: that schools are just as to blame for unfair beauty standards and low self-esteem in teenagers as the media (I may have to shorten this a little). It is true as well, having those rules in place to prevent us experimenting with hair colours or painting miniature pieces of art on our nails, schools are just telling us that we are not allowed to be different or unique in any way, and that we must be like everyone else and act like everyone else. The media does the same thing, with magazines shouting "GET YOUR BIKINI BODY NOW" or "HOW TO GET THIS CELEBRITY'S LOOK", when really it's like they're saying "WE THINK YOU ARE FAT AND NEED TO LOOK LIKE THIS SUPER SKINNY MODEL" and "LOOK LIKE THEM SO WE DON'T HAVE TO SEE YOU" and this is a really shitty way to try to get us to buy things, the media is bullying us into thinking we need to buy this weeks issue of "Buy Me, I'll Make You Look Better than Whatever You Are" when really what we need is a magazine that tells us what we really want to hear: that you are all beautiful because you are different, and embrace others differences.

We really need more positivity in this world, all I hear from my classmates at school is "I really hope this teacher isn't here today, I want to go home", "Oh, I heard from *whoever* that *the other one* said that *she* did this and *blah blah blah*". I hate having to hear that day in and day out, I hardly ever hear people get excited about a class unless their is food or a movie involved. I get that some classes may not be what you are passionate about, but there must've been a reason you chose it, because, well, you did choose it, and besides, I know there isn't much longer left before I am completely left to my own devices in the world, I won't have to spend an entire day at school, or an entire 5-day week at school, I'll be out working every day, having to vote, pay taxes and all that comes with becoming an adult. I didn't realise this until this year, twelve years into my schooling, that I should really make the best of being in high school, and try to do as well as I can, show up to every class and try as hard as I can to keep up with the workload. My parents had even told me at the end of last year when I chose my subjects, "Why don't you have any fun subjects here? These are all brain-heavy classes." and yeah, they are classes that make me use my brain, but I've always felt that is what I like, I like to use my brain to solve hard maths equations or to think about how this certain novel is meant to symbolise the American Dream. They are my fun subjects. They are the ones I saw in the huge list of classes that I felt I would enjoy doing the most, and as it turns out, I love each and every one of those classes. Sure, I'll have a day or two when I'm not feeling up to it, but I try to go and do it anyway. I know not everyone can be like that, and sometimes it is definitely okay to have a day off of work and responsibilities, you just can't let that one day become all of them. Everyone is strong enough to overcome pretty much anything, you really just need to believe it, and if you just can't find that strength, try to find and surround yourself in others that do believe you can do it, and you may just find yourself thinking the same way and before you know it, you've leaped over that hurdle you thought was so big you'd never be able to.

Yeah, all in all, just try your hardest to be the best possible you, because with all the possible futures, I'm sure you'll turn out to be the best you of the lot.

Crap I rambled there a bit forgot where I was going with any of that...
Oh well I felt that all if it needed to be said, and if you really do feel down in the dumps, there will always be someone out there who loves you and wants to help you, go and find them and tell them what's wrong. You never know, they might know just how to help you.

~ Bee.





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Avoiding Homework!

All the homework I have and I haven't even put a dent in it. I have started, but I continue to be distracted and I go off and do something more fun. For example, I was doing my Maths homework, then I went on Steam and got two games, then proceeded to play said games. Boom. Distracted.

I also began doing a few typographical pictures of some song lyrics, and another from my friend's favourite song lyrics, and I gotta say, they look pretty cool.

 Fall Out Boy's Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes

Hoodie Allen's Won't Mind

I definitely will try to get this English work done, and maybe some of the Literature work too, but I'm gonna need lots of tea.

~ Bee





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No Longer Called School Holidays

Well, third term is over and we now have a two-week break before the last term starts, and normally everyone here would call them the school holidays, but not for us VCE's. The teachers have decided to call it a "Study Break", which I don't think they saw looked like another term for holidays - a break from having to study for a while, have fun, go out with friends... NOPE. This "Study Break" is just another reason for teachers to give us holiday homework. I have serious work to do: three sets of questions to do for Psych, finish an entire chapter and a half for Maths, write both a creative and comparative piece for Lit, and a persuasive speech on Justice for English. I am going to have no fun.

One thing I'm looking forward to doing this break is dying my hair again. A while ago it was red, like red velvet cupcakes, but after I started getting regrowth I had to use a light brown dye because the red stood out way too much in contrast to my thin mouse brown hair, and it looked odd. So now my hair has regrown a bit more, and the red dye is more a faded orange, I've decided I want it dyed again but this time, a light brown with pink tips. My school does have a policy against unnatural hair colours, but I couldn't care less. It is one of the biggest and stupidest rules in schools. I am a good student, I pass my classes, I do well in school, I don't get in trouble and I get along with the teachers, but as soon as my hair is a little bit pink, it somehow affects my education. I don't see how as I don't sit in class looking at my hair all day, no, just because my hair is a different colour doesn't mean my attitude towards school and my learning is going to be any different. But I shall dye my hair anyway and I'm not going to care if they have an issue with it because I don't see what the problem is.

Hmm, doing my speech on school rules sounds like a good idea, I might just do that.

~ Bee.





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I want a PS4...

I've now finished watching both Markiplier and JackSepticEye play Until Dawn and I gotta say, I really, really want a PS4. I have grown up all things Nintendo, and I've never had an Xbox or a Play Station of any kind, and I feel I'm really missing out on some awesome stuff. Like, I'm not totally inept when it comes to playing games on other consoles, and I definitely do not favour Nintendo over either of those two consoles, and I do play a few games on PC, but I really do feel like I'm missing out. My friends go over to each others places to play Call of Duty, Halo, Saints Row or GTA, but no one really wants to come over to play Wii Sports or some crap like that. Also, there are just so many games I want to play, but the PC I have is a shitty one and I don't have the money to buy a good PC, and yes I know, console games are super expensive and Steam sales and blah, blah.... I know all that, I just like to have a more expansive knowledge of gameplay over both PCs and consoles, plus more of my friends play on consoles over PC so I'd be able to play with them. And then there's the whole "exclusive" games that I can't get on PC.
I did enter a young writers competition, in which you can win your choice of console, but I really doubt I'd win, and I haven't heard the results yet, the entries closed on the 11th but I have no idea how many other entries went in, or how ling it will take for the judges to read them all. I just hope I make it into the book. My dad once entered a competition like the one I'm in when he was about my age, and he got a spot in the published book, twice! So I'm hoping I inherited my dad's writing skills and at least get into the book. Another thing, is that if I do get a spot in the top 3, I get some cash out of it, and some of it goes towards my school, which I think is a great thing because it's like saying, "Hey, kid, you did a good job, here's some stuff for your amazing work, oh, and your school gets some too for teaching you well enough to get here." I think that's pretty great.
Though, I am definitely not saying I'm the best writer in the world, I have my moments where I spell something completely wrong, or I have major typos in my work that I don't even notice, but everyone has their flaws, and that's okay. Nobody's perfect.

Damn, now I'm gonna have that Hanna Montana song stuck in my head... Poos.

~Bee.





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Busy Week...

Ho-lyy crap. I have had a big couple of weeks, I've had to do SACs for Lit, I did my Philosophy speech... I'm tuckered out.

Wednesday I went on an excursion with a few people from my Lit class, and we went to go and see a play called Betrayal at the theatre, I felt so fancy being able to say that I was going to the theatre. The play was pretty cool, there were only four actors and it was based around three, two males and a female, and the girl was having an cheating on her husband (man #1) with his best friend who is also married (man #2) and I hadn't realised until the third scene that they were going back in time and showing the year, place, and season it was on the back wall... and it was a little confusing at times, but the stage was wicked cool, it was circular and had a big curved clothes rack that went around half of the stage's perimeter, and they could make it do a full 360 round the stage, so they did that while changing scenes. But they had to play loud music to cover up the loud sound of the racks, so when the actors stopped speaking, I'd shit my pants because there would be a loud "DUNNNNNN."

I also loved the excursion because we got to go off and enjoy the city for a little while, and so my friends went off and got some fancy food at a cafe, but poor me went and got Macca's because I have very little money. As I was walking to the McDonalds, I saw this homeless guy lying on a mattress with a cat next to him, and I don't see homeless people ever where I live, so I felt that I should help in a way, and I bought him a burger and gave it to him. Now, when I say gave it to him, I mean he wouldn't wake up so I got really shy and kinda placed it next to him.

Thursday was crazy, that afternoon I got home and my youngest sister was playing outside with one of the neighbours' daughters, and all of a sudden they come running into the house yelling "We heard a big noise, and now it's everywhere!!" waking Mum up, and when we got out there, we saw the neighbour's front yard near the curb had a new water feature: a burst water main. So our neighbour came out too and her and Mum looked at each other wondering who to call, eventually they called the council, but they said they wouldn't be able to come until 7 that night, and it was only 4 or 5 in the afternoon. I live on a hill, so this water was gushing out onto the street, and making a giant river in the gutters all the way down the road. The other neighbours came home a little later and went to join in my little sister, who at this point decided to go and throw a Frisbee into the water and run down the hill to catch it, and later piles of plastic bowls joined that Frisbee.
By the time the guy came around to look at the problem, about seven new holes had shown up, spraying even more water out onto the road, meaning we had no water in our houses, though the neighbour on our other side still did and managed to take a shower before leaving for the evening. One definite good thing that came out of this was that our neighbour owns a pizza shop, and she shouted us pizza for dinner. The workers showed up later in the night, and fixed the problem by Friday afternoon.

Friday I had to go home and pack a bag because I was going to have a sleepover with my three best friends at one of their houses, but I also got to her house and let myself in because she was taking a detour home to pick up some of her boyfriend's stuff on the way. We had a great time, we spoke to one of my bestie's Twitter friends, who apparently think we Aussies say "No" wrong. And I got to share a bed with her, and we spent the night eating half the brownies we'd all made earlier that night (and it was GOOD). We also watched The Thing, and I normally hate horror movies, but this one was terrible and I even giggled at the gory parts because it was that predictable and ridiculous. Today when we all woke up we took the bus to Macca's and all got large meals because they are doing a McDonald's Monopoly thing where you peel stickers off of the drink and chip packages and you can get either Monopoly board pieces you collect to get cool prizes, or an instant win. I got a free cheeseburger, and the others got a free wrap and a free sundae respectively. But we got so much food. It was nuts and we were so full afterwards.

I've also finished watching JackScepticEye's play-through of Until Dawn, and it was so good. Well, the choices he made were bad, but he knew they were and he regretted them as soon as he made them, but I love the fact that a choice he made way earlier in the game affected what happened later on, and the game all-round is just so pretty. I want to buy a PS4 so I can play this game, I would get it on PC but I don't have a good enough computer to play it with, and I'm not sure if it's even going to be available on PC. Besides, I like how they incorporate all the buttons and stuff on the controller into the game, it's pretty damn sweet.
Also, Jack and Markiplier dyed their hair, and I have to say, it looks good on them, Jack with green and Mark with Pink. I might be dying my hair a lighter blonde than my natural colour, and getting a pastel pink ombre done.

I'm gonna be so fabulous.

~ Bee.





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Fear the Walking Dead and KFC Nuggets

I have so many shows I love to watch, and by watch I mean binge watch until I pass out from sleep deprivation or until there are no more episodes to watch. My latest favourite, though, is Fear the Walking Dead. I've forgotten to watch it for a while, but I new I had high expectations of it because of how much I love The Walking Dead, so as soon as I heard about this spin-off show based at the very beginning of the zombie apocalypse I was super pumped. And so this afternoon I'd decided homework could wait a little longer and I watched both the first (pilot) episode and the next one. And I've gotta say, it was gooooood.

Also this afternoon my Psych teacher was absent in the last two periods of school, so I was allowed to leave early (woot woot!). So I decided, seeing as I had a few bucks to spare, I'd head up to the KFC about a fifteen minute walk from my school and buy nuggets, because why not? So, I was on my way there, about halfway up, when I get spam called by my bestie because her class had also been cancelled and she wanted me to go with her to pet-sit for a little while. But, you know... I wasn't even close to the KFC yet and so I had no nuggets to stuff my face with, so I was in a bit of a predicament. Fortunately, she said it was okay to go and get my nuggets and then to meet her there. So I bought my nuggets, walked back to the place she was pet-sitting at, and after she was done we went and got slushies because we were both just so hot - especially me after walking like 3.3 km up and down and all around the place.

Once I got home I was called on Skype by my YouTube friends, The Flaming Shaft, to play Skyblock with them. They're still fairly new to YouTube but they are funny. So we were all getting onto Minecraft and mine decided it would download an update... then another... and another... and then never actually load Minecraft. So while the Shafts were waiting to record, I was sitting there furiously restarting my computer to try and get it to boot up. Once it did we had a jolly good time jumping off the ledge to our deaths and making the area bigger, and also talking about all the Aussie slang words we could think of. It was good fun.

Unfortunately, there is still some wet washing that needs to be hung out before I can sleep.

~ Bee.





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Another Super Good Day :D

Such a good day today. Had a double study in the morning that I spent watching more YouTube than I should have, then doing absolutely nada in English, then another study spent watching more YouTube.

But, what made it such a great day is that my Philosophy teacher is hopefully kicking out one of the guys in my class. The reason? He is an absolute racist misogynistic dickbag who thinks that because he can make himself sound smart, he is always right. That, my friends, is absolutely not true. He once said that Psychology is not a science because "it doesn't use Empirical evidence or the scientific method."
 I'm sorry WHAT?
I have been studying Psychology for two years now and the very first things we learn is that Psychology uses the scientific method and Empirical evidence. Also, because what he says sounds smart, other people tend to follow what he says, because they think "Oh yeah, he sounds smart, he must be right so I'll just follow what he says."
Anyway, the proper reason he is hopefully being kicked out of class is because, while working on our oral presentations, he decided it would be a great idea to make his about how we must massacre all of the Chinese, because he feels like it and for some god-damn reason he has an issue with people who are different to him, god forbid a Chinese person even look at him - oh the horror! So when he said that our teacher heard and told him there was no way he was ever going to be allowed to have a presentation about becoming Hitler 2.0 and killing all the Chinese people, and you know what happened? He looked like he was about to cry. Good. His super-boosted ego means that he is never used to being told that he is wrong, and so seeing him put back in his damn place was wonderful.
So, we will find out soon enough if he's gone for good.

Until next time.

~ Bee.





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A Good Day

Today was a good day. My Philosophy oral has been moved to next Monday so I have an extra four days to work on it (thank GOD). My Psych teacher was away so I spend that period working on questions from the book, which was pretty easy and I did more questions than needed but oh well. Lit we were given heaps of information on how to properly structure an analytical essay because we suck at it, then my Methods teacher was also absent so I spent that watching YouTuber JackSepticEye play Until Dawn - which is an amazing game - the graphics in it are incredible and the storyline so far seems pretty cool with all these friends going up to a cabin in the mountains on the one year anniversary of their twin friends' disappearance. I love the totems you can find as well and how each of the five colours (red, black, brown, white and yellow) represent different kinds of prophesy-like things, it's very cool. Anyway that period was spent watching that and jumping a little when the omnipresent-creepy-anonymous-guy showed up behind the characters - spoopy. But yeah, only got 20 minutes into the hour-long video so I still have to finish that.
Later on I had English, and that was spent writing notes and having to leave for the bathroom to get some toilet paper because the second piercing in my left ear had begun to bleed, a lot. I also had the best recess - fresh strawberries with hot chocolate fudge, and vanilla yoghurt with peaches. Yum.

Now off to finish that video.

~ Bee.





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It's Orals Week! (no, not that kind of oral)

Ugh, for my Philosophy class we've had weeks to prepare a 6 minute speech on anything to do with ethics and morals. A 6 minute speech. It's crazy. Luckily, though, my lovely teacher has said it's okay if we have a speech that's a little less than that (thank God!). I'm also glad that one of my friends is working with me on this, or I'd be stuffed. I hate doing speeches of any kind, I can barely speak up confidently in class without getting a rush of adrenaline and bright red cheeks, let alone stand in front of two teachers for 6 minutes. Our oral is supposed to be based around philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche's quote "fear is the mother of morality." So our speech is all about how our morals are created out of fear over love, but it is so boring. The only reason we did this topic is because one of my other friends closed his eyes and picked a topic at random from a list. Yipee. Also, our speech isn't going so well, I mean it is getting there, it's the whole trying to think of a way to stretch our words out enough to get six minutes worth of mind-numbing dribble.

Enough about that, just talking about it is giving me a headache. I'll talk about the other classes I do at school. Our timetables are set out in six 40-minute periods, and because I'm in VCE (Victorian Certificate of Education- for years 11 & 12) I have five separate classes plus one study. As I said above, I take Philosophy, but I also do Literature, Maths Methods, Psychology and English. English is a default class though so I had to have that. I love all my classes at school, and I actually love school and I'm proud to love it. My #1 top favourite class is Psychology, because I want to be an educational psychologist, someone who works in schools to help those with special needs or who just have difficulty learning things in school. That is the reason I'm taking Methods, because I need a pretty high ATAR (it's kind of like a GPA) score at the end of year 12 to get into the Psychology course I want, and doing Methods boosts that score. I'm taking Literature for the hell of it, I love books and I spend a lot of my time reading, and this class is pretty much a huge nerd-out group where we talk about how much we loved or hated the latest book we've read in class, and It's great!

On a side note, I'm a massive Psychology nerd and I'm top of my class, it fascinates me to read about how we think and the chemical processes that take place when our brain is at work, and I'm not at all squeamish so I'd definitely love to cut up a brain and see what it really looks like.

~ Bee.





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Amazing Day

Yesterday I drove Dad from my home to my favourite book store, which took about 40 minutes to drive there, to get my own copy of Demon Road by Derek Landy. I was so excited because I've been reading his work since the first Skulduggery Pleasant books and I was so upset when that series ended, but Demon Road is the first book in his new trilogy and so I wanted to get it as soon as possible. Anyway so we got there and I had to reverse our massive car into a parking space, which was taking a little while because I'm not very good at it just yet, and this really nice old man was patiently sitting in his car, waiting for me to park the car while Dad told me which way to turn into the spot. Once I'd parked the car, the man drove up and said that Dad and I did a good job and that he'd taught four of his kids to drive, and so Dad thanked him for his patience and he drove away. He was a sweetie.

After walking into the shopping centre I pretty much ran to the book store and grabbed the book, and I also grabbed an insanely awesome notebook, it's a journal with the quote from a well-known book on the front, and the lines in the journal you write on are the words of the book, it's so cool even though it smells like fake leather. I got a red one with a Brothers Grimm quote on it: "I am Death, and I make all equal."

So all in all, it was a spectacular shopping trip.

~ Bee.

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First post! Here we go...

So, this is what a blog looks like. I've been thinking about starting one for a while now and I had kept putting it off over and over again. And now here you are, reading this, my very first post in my new blog, My Little Cathartic Release! The biggest reason for me starting this whole thing is to give myself a way to vent my feelings and ideas about anything and everything that goes on in my life, but I suppose before I get to that I should give you a little view into my life (but not too much). My name is Bee, and I'm a high school student in year 11. I live in Australia and I have two little sisters, and my mum and my dad. Starting this blog is hopefully going to help me when I'm feeling stressed about school or whatever, so I can let all my emotions spill out onto the keyboard, and have a cathartic moment. For those who don't know, a catharsis is the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, it encourages or permits the discharge of pent-up, socially unacceptable affects, to result in the alleviation of symptoms or the permanent relief of the condition. In other words, this is a form of therapy for me, because some of the things I may keep bottled up wouldn't be a very good thing to say aloud to my friends and family, or maybe I'm just freaking out over nothing. 

Anyway, hello! I hope you enjoy this blog as much as I am going to, and maybe it will be a release for more than just me.

~ Bee.





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